Learning to Read the Easy Way, Vs. The Hard Way

I didn't really mean to conduct a reading educational experiment in my home, it just kind of happened that way...

Yesterday Lily learned to read. As in, officially picked up a book and read the words on the page correctly READING. It happened while we were waiting for our taco dinner to be boxed up, in between a tantrum about not have chips and a tantrum about... oh I can't even remember, she throws a lot of tantrums about nothing, especially when it's dinner time and we're Friday-afternoon-tired out.

Anyway... Lily learned to read, in the 3 minutes that we were sitting outside waiting for tacos.

Or, Lily started reading, because she's spent 3 1/2 years getting ready to, and she was really, perfectly ready. Which I knew, because I've been a teacher for 16 years, which is why I had a beginning reader in my purse that afternoon to take home to her. And in between tantrums, I thought, hey, why not learn to read, Right Now. And I had Daniel film her reading, because I am a teacher, and my child learning to read for the first time is pretty much the holy grail of parenting moments for me. That video was on Facebook with a whole lot of exclamation points within seconds! (!!!!)

I don't have a video of Daniel learning to read. More on that in a moment...

Here is how I knew Lily was ready to read:

1. She knows all the letters of the alphabet and most of the sounds they represent. She can say "r/r/r red, R!"

2. She knows that letters form words, and words carry meaning. She says to us, "What does h-o-i-q-r spell? She recognizes her name and she asks us "What does that say?" when we write something.

3. She can "read" her favorite story books. She mimics reading, using the same intonation and cadence as we do. She looks at the pictures to give her clues, and then either makes up the story or uses the words she memorized from listening to the same story over and over.

4. She notices print in her environment. She asks us what the words on signs mean, and what does "O-P-E-N" spell?

5. She wants to learn to read. This is the most important thing. If she wasn't interested, then I wouldn't have put that reading book in my purse. I'm not one of those parents who desperately wants her kid to be gifted. I do not have any Harvard posters up. Sure, I want her to be a doctor, mostly because she seems to be attracted to the medical profession, (and also who couldn't use a doctor in the family!) But mostly I just want my kids to be Happy and Independent.

Lily was 100% ready to learn to read, and my guess is, she will quickly become an independent reader who rarely needs help.  (If this keeps her from waking us all up at 6:30 AM on weekends GREAT.)

Learning to read for Lily is a happy stroll up a sunny hillside full of flowers.

Learning to read for Daniel was/is a vertical climb on slippery rocks.

Daniel came home to our family at the age of 5. He spoke no English. He had never been to school, except for orphanage school, which doesn't count because orphanage. He started Kindergarten 6 weeks later.

Daniel was 0% ready to read. He knew the letters of the alphabet, sure, but that knowledge existed without any context at all. His first family does not own any books or writing implements, puzzles or alphabet blocks. Those are luxuries in Ethiopia. He had been told stories, I'm sure, but never read any.  Everything, everything in his world was new and challenging: new family, new country, new name, new language, new culture, new food, new home. New, new, new. Hard.

Not surprisingly, Daniel struggled, and continues to struggle, with reading and writing.  He speaks English beautifully, but he cannot pass the test that would un-qualify him for English Language Services.  Daniel can read, yes, and sometimes enjoys reading, but it's not easy. 

Which is why I don't have a joyful video of Daniel learning to read. I could have a feature length movie of the nights we struggled through beginning reading books, me cursing under my breath every time he forgot the word THE again.  There would be plenty of drama in this video- books tossed across the room, crying and screaming, "I hate homework!" I can't do this!" It's too hard!". Lots of drama, and little joy.

At the end of last year I was deeply worried about Daniel and school. He's getting extra help, sure. He's had a series of wonderful teachers (Thank you- A, M, R and now A and C) I worried that the extra help wasn't enough. We considered hiring a tutor for the summer.

The tutoring never got scheduled. But, Daniel cut his foot on a rock, and he couldn't walk for a few days, and so we started reading Harry Potter to him. The happiest of accidents.

notice the giant bandage.

My son is now obsessed with Harry Potter
(insert gleeful jumping- because I am obsessed! Only don't tell him. Mom liking the same things is so. not. cool!)

My son is obsessed, and he's also doing better in school. His reading is a bit more joyful and smooth. There is a lot less book tossing and cursing.  There is a LOT less complaining about school and homework.

Daniel has finally caught up to Lily in being ready to read. 3 1/2 years later.  Just like her he now knows that words carry meaning. Because spells. Just like her he knows that books have special cadences and rhythms. Because magic.  He now wants to learn to read. Because I won't tell him what happens in the end.

I didn't mean to conduct an educational experiment on my own children, it just kind of happened. The results are in, and they are fairly predictable:

1. Reading aloud to your child IS the most valuable thing you can do to help them learn to read joyfully.

2. A child who has none or limited experience with books, words, letters or language prior to traditional schooling will struggle in school, for years.

Thank you, Harry Potter. Thank you.

PS: He is dressing up as He-who-shall-not-be-named for Halloween.

Opting Out.

I read a great line recently about how parenting is about balancing the days versus the years. As in, choosing to have the fight over the broccoli at dinner because you know that in the long run you want to teach your child healthy eating habits. As parents we are constantly tipping the balance one way or the other. Towards having more peaceful, less stressful days (ohmygosh, yes, just have bread and butter for dinner, again!)... or towards teaching life lessons and staying true to your long term goals (yes, we are going to church EVERY Sunday.) I know that lately I've been leaning more towards the years, which is leading to a bit more stressful and hectic days.  Dinner time battle grounds. Homework.

Let's talk about Homework.

D, in his first "school" at the care center in Ethiopia.

We all know it's pretty useless, right? I mean, I'm a teacher and I think it's pretty much useless. But I give it anyway, because that is what (most) parents expect. ...And something about teaching life long study habits... Except that I'm pretty sure that what homework is teaching, at least in my house, is that learning is hard and boring and tedious, and reading is a chore. Which is NOT, just to be clear, what I want to teach my children.

The odd thing is, both our children are extremely curious and love to learn. Just judging by our car rides home, other wise known as THE TIME OF THE QUESTIONS. Some days I have to bite my tongue to keep from shouting at them "Please! Please! Mommy has just spent all day answering little kid questions and right now she just wants to drive and contemplate what she is making for dinner so for the love of all that is holy, please stop talking to me!"

But I don't, because I know some day (all too soon), they will not want to talk to me and there will be sullen silences in the car so I treasure their incessant, un-answerable questions:

Mom, why is that lady being dangerous crossing the street like that?

Mom, what's that?! That! Over there! Behind you! The green thing! Oh, you missed it.

Mom, what does horcak spell? How 'bout rtzqa?

Mom, what does that sign say? That one. No, THAT one. 

Mom, why are all white people rich? (I almost crashed the car on that one.)

Mom, how come Julia gets to watch The Walking Dead? (!)

Andrew and I were both nerds in school; both of us love to read. And now we are parenting two children who are athletic and charming and social butterflies.  Basically, the opposite of us. One of whom is struggling in school in a way that neither of us ever did. Andrew is an advocate of getting a tutor and making flash cards and buckling down. And I... I'm not so sure I really care about it. I'm thinking of opting out.

As those of you who live in New York know, we just finished the first week of TESTING. For the past three days every 9 to 14 year old in the state spent three days answering reading questions.  Or, almost every kid.

Because a bunch of parents (and teachers) are crying: enough! And opting their kids out of testing. Some schools had just a handful of non-testers. Others had whole grades of kids who sat it out.

Next year Daniel will be in 3rd grade, and I'm already thinking... No. Nope. No, thank you. We know how he's doing: he's struggling. He's falling behind. The curriculum keeps getting harder and he keeps not being able to keep up.* His reaction to seeing long reading passages or even longer math problems is to moan. He hates homework, he doesn't get math, and he already knows that other kids have it easier than he does. He calls himself stupid.* We really don't need a test score to confirm all this.

I think, as a culture, we're getting really out of balance. Yes, in the short run it certainly is better to have everybody reading and doing math on grade level. But, in the long run... are we just creating a generation of kids who are really good at passing tests and not much else? Will these children become responsible, healthy, helpful citizens? Will they create the next wave of art and music and dance and poetry and science... or will they only value what can be measured by multiple choice tests? I'm pretty sure we've got some tough times ahead, at least judging by the weather and by the wars... but I'm not so sure that we need people who are only good at reading comprehension and solving math equations. I'm pretty sure we are going to need good plumbers, and excellent, creative, inventive, kind, thoughtful and responsible leaders. We're going to need rabbis, priests, builders, and artists.  We're going to need people who ask questions.

Not just answer them.

I do want Daniel to learn math. I do. I'm just not willing to sacrifice our days to it. Because in the balance of the years, isn't it better than he learn... everything else?

* This is a kid who started Kindergarten 6 weeks after being internationally adopted.  For whom English is the 3rd language he has had to learn.  Whose whole world was turned upside down just weeks before being asked to learn to read. Whose "pre-school" experiences included kicking a homemade ball around under banana trees. When he calls himself stupid I want to rage at the world.

Our School Boy

I realized, a bit late, that I never did a "Year of Daniel" post around his 7th birthday. So... Here is a "School Year of Daniel"!

He finished up 1st Grade today. Amazingly, he's really reading now, and his writing is moderately decodable and he's pretty much the man on campus. Next year he moves up to the "big building"... and no mommy will be around to remind him to bring his lunch box or give him kisses in front of his friends. Sigh. No more spying on him during my bathroom breaks. I'm going to miss that.

Looking back at photos of my son from this past year it really is remarkable how much he has grown and changed.  He's definitely not a baby anymore. (I also get a kick out of seeing the various hairstyles we've tried...)

my sweet baby boy in September

making injera at last!

losing a tooth

flat top haircut

there goes another tooth!

Mr. Muscles carrying our Christmas tree

grrrr... arghhh....

and another tooth!

dance show!

IS IT MY BIRTHDAY YET!!!!?

so ready for summer...

last day of First Grade. And look! front teeth!

Top Ten Reasons I love Lily's Daycare

One day during our vacation Lily went to daycare.  Yes even though I was not working. Really it was for her own safety, because she had been so thoroughly TWO the day before that it was best for both of us to spend a day apart.  Her teacher, who is a saint on earth, asked me with a grin when I picked Lily up, "What did she do to you yesterday?"  She knew, she just knew.  And she loves Lily anyway.

So here, in honor of hard working moms everywhere, and to the wonderful day care providers who make this modern life possible are:

Lily in her school clothes. Hideous green uniform not on the top ten list, for sure. 

Top Ten Reasons I Love Lily's Day Care

10. She has learned her colors, shapes, to count to 10 and a smattering of the alphabet in just 6 months.

9. Everyone in the building knows Lily's name and says hello to her when they see her.

8. Each month they study a new letter, shape, color and number, as well as some other "theme" such as insects, community workers or food.

7. She has homework twice a week. (I don't really like that, but Lily does, so it's okay.)

6. Most of the staff and students are African-American. Which means Lily spends most of her day with folks who look like her.

5. Both her teachers wear beautiful,  healthy, natural hair.  (Again, giving Lily some beautiful, healthy role models who look like her!)

4. Every day Lily eats a hot breakfast and hot lunch as well as snacks, provided by the school.  I don't have to pack ANYTHING! (This almost made it to the #1 slot, for breakfast alone.)

3. Lily's teachers are consistent, loving and patient. Really, really patient.

2. They potty trained her! (Again, this was almost #1.)

1. Every morning Lily runs eagerly in the door. Every afternoon she comes back out happy, tired and clean.  (Happy means she had a productive, fun day. Tired means she was active and engaged. Clean means that they are paying attention and taking careful care of her.)

I'm so grateful to have such wonderful child care providers. One parent staying home is not an option for us, and it is with happy peace of mind that I drop Lily off every day to play and learn with her teachers. Not everyone is so lucky, I know. What didn't get on the top ten list are the fees we pay, but that is certainly part of our consideration.  Day care and nursery schools in our city can be outrageously expensive. We are blessed to not be paying more than we can afford, and still getting good care.  Some day maybe, universal affordable child care will be the norm, not the exception.