Birthday Girl

A Year of Lily

Possessed.

as in Possessions...

we. are. coming. to. take. over. your. home. 

The theme of my vacation this Spring (which sadly is coming to a close today) was SIMPLIFY. 

(Lily decided that her theme for the week was NO SLEEP,  but anyway...)

I came across this great collection of photos: Children From Around the World Photographed with Their Toys  It's a fascinating look at what children play with around the world: and brings up both the universality of childhood and the gross disparities between the "First World" and the "Third World". 

Our children have lived in both worlds.  They've played in a small home in rural Ethiopia. Daniel says his favorite game was to go hide under and climb in the banana trees. If Daniel had been photographed with his toys while he was living with his first family I'm not sure if he would have been able to find anything to show off but a patched-up soccer ball. 

They've shared the small supply of toys in an orphanage. I'll never forget bringing a box of markers for the children at the care center. I opened the box and each child took one marker.  They didn't fight over the colors, they didn't trade, they didn't try to find the pink or the blue ones. They just picked one and clutched it for the rest of the visit. 

Now my kids live a thoroughly American life. Daniel saves his allowance to buy bey blades. They create elaborately detailed Christmas and birthday wish lists. We are constantly running out of batteries for all the cars and musical instruments and things that beep and bop and blurt. I try to keep the plastic junk toys contained for my own sanity, but for them there are never enough toys. I resist reminding my son, when he complains about not having the latest whatever,  that in his former life he didn't have any toys at all and he was still happy.  (Sometimes I have to resist pointing that out pretty hard.)   Bringing up his previous deprivation is not a great teaching tool for him. 

However, we are trying to get closer to a simpler life. We are trying to keep our possessions from possessing us. I read this article this week about living with less.  One of the fascinating statistics the author quotes is that researchers found that women's stress hormones spike when they are dealing with (I assume: cleaning, repairing, locating, sorting, organizing, stepping on in the middle of the night) their belongings.

So we all get stressed out by our stuff. I'm so glad it's not just me!

Here is to simplicity! I'm not quite ready to go live in rural Ethiopia... but if my kids were ever photographed with all their toys, I'd want them to be visible in the frame.  

Parenting in the Deep End

our tiny little man, just a few days before coming home

It may be because of Easter, or because his birthday is coming up, but Daniel sure has lots to say and ask about Death, God and Heaven/Hell lately. Oh boy. It is at these moments that I take a deep breath, and forgive myself for totally winging it. After all, this is parenting in the Deep End, and we didn't wade in from the kiddie pool, oh no, we started out swimming in water over our heads.

We became parents instantly one day just over 18 months ago. And oh, yes there was lots and lots of planning and nesting and a super long pregnancy two year long adoption process. And oh yes, we had know for 6 months that we would be parents to Daniel and Lily. But still, adopting two children, two children who are not, by any stretch of the imagination, infants, is DIVING DEEP.  Think storm tossed seas, sharks swimming around, no flotation devices visible.  Daniel was 5 when he came home, and Lily 15 months. She had learned to walk the week before. (Gosh darn it! That still irks me, how close we were to seeing that big milestone.)  It was tough. As an example: Andrew and I both lost pounds (I mean, POUNDS) the first few weeks we were home with the kids.  We were just too busy and stressed out to eat. So on top of having to suddenly chase after two little kids during the boiling hot summer, now I had to hold my pants up while I did it!

So, I don't feel guilty (too guilty) when I hem and haw my way through answers to Daniel's meaning of life questions. Most parents have a few years, at least, to figure those answers out. Newborns don't turn to you to ask you what happens when you die. Our son (as soon as he learned enough English) did. (Which was at about 5 weeks home.)

Deep end parenting- you just grab onto whatever floating things you can find and you HOLD ON.  Eventually the seas calm, you start breathing normally and sometimes, sometimes you feel the sand beneath your feet again.

he's grown a bit since then.