A Palace of Time

Recently our minister preached about the wisdom of taking a Sabbath. Carving out a "Palace of Time" in our busy, hectic week.

I jotted that phrase down in my notebook two weeks ago, resolving to carve out some time each week to write and reflect.

Then two weeks passed, and everything else on my "To Do" list but that phrase was crossed out.  And I thought, yup, I must be doing this wrong.  Because I've got two more "To Do" lists started across three more pages in my notebook. And no palaces in sight.

Ah ha, I thought, this is why Sabbath keepers have those strict rules! Otherwise, they might also just keep going and going, crossing things off their lists and writing new lists, on and on and on forever in their palaces of stuff.

Not that anyone would call our house a Palace right now.

Because this is our lawn furniture:

and this is our backyard:

It's very, very scenic. But if I wait for my house to be a Palace, I will wait forever.  This is the lesson I'm learning right now- to live in the moment, even in the moment is imperfect.  And I don't like that lesson. one. bit.

I'm also learning that trying to rush contractors is impossible. Also impossible: contractors staying on schedule and work being done by the 1st (or 2nd or 3rd) date mentioned. Work is done when it is done. Sometimes I come home and viola! the siding is (halfway) up! Or, look! Floors! And sometimes I come home and the house is dark and in the same unfinished condition as the day before.

Our poor little house. Its been through a lot.  A good friend said that she thinks of houses as alive. They need love and attention and care, just like animals or people. She said, it sounds like your house needs a lot of love.

Yes, yes, indeed.

Yesterday our new upstairs windows were installed. And the contractor discovered that none of the old windows had been screwed or nailed into place.  They were just balanced there, held in place by the molding.

And I thought, of course. That's just how I've been feeling lately: unmoored. Held in place but not rooted. Ready for any brisk window or strong blow to knock me out.

Time to build some palaces.

Last Sunday we began our (now annual!) celebration of Advent. The link to the simple worship we do as a family together is here.  This year Lily was once again extremely overanxious to blow out the candle. This year the promise of ice cream once again proved a strong motivator for happy participation.

A year ago I wrote this about waiting months and months for the phone to ring and then being at the dentist when our referral finally came.  Then a day later I didn't write about the best day of our lives, but instead wrote this to the President about gun control.  (He did write back, I'm happy to say. And I'm sure that unlike the other thousand letters written by his staff, MINE was penned by Obama himself.) Sadly, a year later our country is not much further along in protecting children (or adults) from guns.

So this is the season we are in.  One in which I try to root down into sandy, uneven, construction-debris filled-soil. In which I entertain torture my children with Christmas music.  In which I remember the extremes of joy and sadness that have occurred in Decembers past.  In which I struggle to create little palaces in time in which to just BE and not "to do".

Advent in Darkness

L "helping" string lights...from our first Christmas together

After dinner today our family did our little Advent celebration. We lit candles, we said a little prayer and did a little reading. Then we looked for the 10 little silver bells someone (me) had hidden in the living room and used them to make a joyful noise.

I may have gritted my teeth during most of this 10 minute spiritual exercise. I may have tried not to yell in frustration as one child stood up during the reading and another wouldn't stop asking if it was time to blow out the candles. I may have rolled my eyes heavenward more than once.

Spiritual exercise- like most exercise, it can be HARD.  You have to make yourself get up off the couch and put those sneakers on. You have to focus on the long term goals. You have to get up and move, even when you are not in the mood. I, for one, have never in my life been in the mood for a run.  I have to force myself out of the house to do restorative yoga, for goodness sake. I am definitely no role model of will power. However:

 Last year we didn't do Advent. And we had a really awful Christmas. The worst, actually. Not all of that is because we didn't like 4 candles over 4 Sundays. Mostly it was because our house was a construction site and 3 of us had the flu. But... not doing Advent didn't help matters.

UU author John Taylor wrote, “If there were no Advent, we would need to invent it.  We human creatures, in spite of all that has happened to us and been done to us, are still hopeful.  Something new, something vital, something promising is always coming, and we are always expecting. Thus in Advent candles are lighted to mark the time of preparation, and with each new light our anticipation grows – as it should.  We are, after all, a hopeful people, and that hopefulness deserves a festival.  

And I think I didn't really understand the true purpose of Advent until this year. It is dark out. It is dark within. We are going through a really challenging, painful time as a nation, and as a family. I am so proud when I see the thousands of protesters across the country demanding justice for all. And I am so fearful whenever I think of my own child. My parenting has changed. When once I would have sent him around the corner to fetch something he forgot at the gym, I now insist on going with him. When once I would have let him play with toy guns, I will never. When once I would have answered his questions about police with the usual "Police are there to help you."... I now hesitate. Dark times.

Time for light. The candles we light in our home, and the electric lights we hang in our windows are not just pretty decorations but prayers for more beautiful future. They are candles of hope.

This year as in many years past I am busy with Christmas preparations. Cards to mail, presents to wrap, cookies to bake, plans to make. It can be stressful and overwhelming. I am guilty of threatening to "cancel" Christmas when my children thoughtlessly break the toys they already have. I am guilty of wishing for a quieter home when my kids Wintertime pent up energy is threatening to bring the roof down. It can be hard to look forward to the magic of Christmas when you are doing the work of Santa.

So I look to our Advent readings and reflections to help me prepare. Prepare my mind and prepare my spirit. To stay focused on the magic that is really happening... that people, all over the world, still BELIEVE that something special is supposed to happen at the darkest time of the year. At least, judging by the "very special episodes" and TV movies, and Hollywood films, and picture books and songs and stories... We all fervently, desperately wish for that magic.

And don't we need it, this year.

So come, Christmas, come!

Jump for joy! It's Christmas time!

Come Christmas!

 by M. Maureen Killoran 

No one is ever really ready for Christmas. 

If we were really all prepared: 

      If every gift we had contemplated had been obtained; 

      If every present was beautifully beribboned; 

      If all the goodies our friends deserve were baked and cooled, and stored just so; 

      If each and every person we love was gathered for our celebration; 

      If we never snapped at someone we care about, nor stopped short of being all that we could be; 

      If our minds were 100 per cent loving and our hearts were 100 per cent generous; 

They truly would be ready and truly we would not need Christmas quite so much.

So come, Christmas, most needed of seasons. 
Come with the reminder that love does not depend on Perfection but on willingness to risk connection. 
Come into the unready manger of our hearts 

That we may feel the warmth of new life 
     

 And give flesh to the promise of hope 
     

 That cries to bring healing into our world.

 Come Christmas! 
            

Come, Love, 
            

Come, Hope. 
            

Be born in our unready hearts 
            

On this silent and holy night.

FURTHER READING

A must read from Rachel Held Evans: Advent 2

A great one from Christena Cleveland : Advent/Darkness

The Sabbath Project

So here's the thing... sometimes I get an idea in my head, and not only do I want to try it, I want to get a whole bunch of other people to do it with me...

Which is why right now I'm participating not only in a "Biggest Loser" contest at work. (ha ha ha ha ha!), but I'm also spearheading a Sabbath Project with our congregation.

Because, as my husband would tell you, I'm completely crazy.

Or passionate and dedicated.

Or both?

Strangely, The Biggest Loser and The Sabbath are very much related...

 A bunch of my co-workers and I had been bemoaning our waistlines and poor eating habits and low energy and cravings, etc over lunch (weeks and weeks of lunches). So we decided to all go on a diet together. Eating a small salad for lunch can be pretty sad when everyone around you is eating heroes and chips or Chinese fried rice.  It's not so bad when everyone else is also eating a small salad. And since we were all dieting, hey why not put some money down and make it sporting!? So, we all put in $100 bucks and submit to (thankfully private) weigh-ins on Friday mornings. So far we are all eating better, and the waistbands might have loosened a little bit.

Similarly, some folks in our congregation have been bemoaning our lack of gravity and quiet in this overstimulated, over tweeted, over scheduled modern life. So, we are trying to "diet" together from the noise. We each choose a day to set aside phones and computers and work and shopping.  We are starting small, but hoping that more people will catch on to how great it is to STOP.

I mean, it was really, really great. Not easy, not convenient... But wow, I couldn't believe how quiet my mind was for most of the 24 hours of our first Sabbath. It was like a switch had been pressed. Usually my mind is one long news feed of observations, worries, to do lists, worries, frets, shopping lists, wishes, anxieties, plans...

(Every one's minds are like that, right?!)

But after we watched the sun go down on Saturday night... quiet.  The news feed was silenced. I stopped writing lists. I stopped fussing over the couch pillows and picking up toys off the floor. I resisted putting laundry away.  I didn't check my phone every 5 minutes. It was wonderful.

We are observing our Sabbath from sundown Saturday to sundown Sunday.  And yes, by Sunday afternoon we were all kind of checking the sky a bit expectantly. The kids, especially, were hoping that their magical screens would be returned to them as soon as the sky turned dark.  I was a bit sad, knowing that the endless feed of lists and the plans and the worries would probably be turned back on.  I did need to get ready for a week of work/school. Backpacks did need to be organized and lunches planned. But still, we waited til the sun was all the way down...

Here is what I noticed from my own first Sabbath ever:

I really didn't miss Facebook at all. Sorry, "friends"... but suddenly I wondered why I spent so much time scrolling through ads, political and religious articles and updates on vacations from people I don't really know. After the sun set on Sunday night I resolved to edit my "friends" list and be a bit more judicious about my FB time.

We avoided doing "work" as much as possible... although I did have some "church work" to perform. I'm going to claim it as "service" and call it a day.  Minimizing the schlepping and chores I need to do in service of the congregation is possible, eliminating it is not.  (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

Here was the tough part: Traditionally the Sabbath is a day of rest. A day of joy.  No work. But, I'm still a Mom. And motherhood is a lot of Work. And sometimes, not so joyful. Snow pants still have to be struggled on, pajamas still have to be put away, teeth brushed and hair done. Loud reminders still have to be issued not to jump on the furniture. Whining has to be listened to and fighting in the car stopped.  So figuring out how to Not Work and still Mother is tricky. Very tricky.

Today, Saturday, I'm looking forward to sundown. I'm looking forward to quieting my mind and loosening up my heart.  I'm also looking forward to more loosening of the waist band.

Fourth and Final Advent 2012

Tonight we celebrated our last Advent for 2012. After 4 weeks, we kind of got the hang of it. Lily waited to blow out the candles til the end, Daniel listened without interrupting or getting up from the table (mostly).  Daniel and Lily both responded happily and intently to the gift giving.  In the end the best gift of all was indeed, celebrating our love for each other.
Come Christmas Come!

Fourth Sunday

Family

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go they way; 

first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift

Candle Lighting

Our lighted candle is glowing, 

making the darkness bright; 

shining on our family gathered here tonight.

Reading

The Moment of Magic

by Victoria E. Safford 

Now is the moment of magic,

when the whole, round earth turns again toward the sun,

      and here's a blessing:
the days will be longer and brighter now,

even before the winter settles in to chill us.

Now is the moment of magic,

when people beaten down and broken,

with nothing left but misery and candles and their own clear voices,

kindle tiny lights and whisper secret music,

      and here's a blessing:

the dark universe is suddenly illuminated by the lights of the menorah,

suddenly ablaze with the lights of the kinara,

and the whole world is glad and loud with winter singing.

Now is the moment of magic,

when an eastern star beckons the ignorant toward an unknown goal,

      and here's a blessing:

they find nothing in the end but an ordinary baby, 

born at midnight, 

born in poverty, 

and the baby's cry, 

like bells ringing,

makes people wonder as they wander through their lives,

what human love might really look like,
sound like,
feel like.

Now is the moment of magic,

      and here's a blessing:
we already possess all the gifts we need;

we've already received our presents:

ears to hear music,

eyes to behold lights, 

hands to build true peace on earth
and to hold each other tight in love.

Lesson

We have learned all about Christmas the past 4 weeks. We have learned about the magical story of Jesus' birth.  We have learned that Jesus became a great teacher and leader.  He taught us to be Lights in the world, to Love one another. We learned that this is the season to make joyful noises and celebrate our love for each other. We were reminded of God's love for us, and of the miracle of each baby born in the world.   We have given you the gift of a candle, to remind you to share your light with the world.  We have given you bells, to remind you to make joyful noises. We gave you ornaments symbolizing something you love.  Tonight we gather for the last Advent Sunday this year, and we will give each other the best gift of all- our wishes for each other. 

Gift

Tonight we are giving a heart gift,  presents that cannot be bought or made, to each family member.  We will each take turns whispering a gift or a wish in each person's ear.  We will wish for them something that they love, or that will make them happy or that will help them do something they really want to do. We cannot see these gifts, but we can feel them in our hearts. Let's close our eyes for a moment to think of the heart gift we want to give to each person. 

Prayer

Come Christmas!
            

Come, Love,
            

Come, Hope.
            

Be born in our unready hearts
            

On this silent and holy night.

We give thanks for Being,

We give thanks for being here

We give thanks for being here together.

Third Advent

We didn't do Advent on Sunday; our Sunday was just too busy. But certainly this week, of all weeks, we needed to gather together to reflect and pray.  So we celebrated tonight. Our children are blissfully ignorant of the tragedies that struck so nearby. We are holding them extra close, and using Christmas as our excuse.

Here is what I've learned from doing this Advent series for the first time... Dessert and little presents are great incentives for my kids to sit still and listen for a few minutes.  Lily cannot resist blowing out the candles. (We had to relight them 3 times tonight!) Daniel will listen and slowly digest this new information. His questions don't come that night but in the days following.  My personal theology has gotten real workout this way.  Nothing like having to answer, "Mommy, why did they kill Jesus?" during the morning commute!

This week's advent was blessed by our favorite Auntie's apple pie. We also unwrapped our beautiful Ethiopian nativity set, which was purchased after an epic, multi-party bargaining session in Addis Ababa. 

Here is to celebrating love in the midst of fear. Here is to welcoming light in a time of darkness. I hope all of you enjoy a beautiful final Advent week. 

Third Sunday

Love

for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

Candle Lighting

Our lighted candle is glowing,

 making the darkness bright;

 shining on our family gathered here tonight.

Reading

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and they staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou annointest my head with oil. my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Lesson

This week we are talking about Love (yes, yucky, icky, LOOOOVE).  The reading is a reminder of the strength of God's love for us.  Jesus teaches us that everyone in the world deserves to be loved. He teaches that even when we are feeling lonely and sad, God loves us.  Jesus wanted everyone to love each other, even when we were feeling angry, sad, upset or alone. He wanted us to make sure that Love was the strongest feeling in our hearts.  At Christmas time we give each other presents to remind each other that we love each other.  We send out pretty cards to everyone we know, so share our love with our friends and family. Christmas is a time when we try to remind everyone that we care about them.  Sometimes it can be hard to remember love. It can be hard to feel Mommy's love when she is yelling. It can be hard to feel Daddy's love when he is upset with us. It can be hard to feel each other's love when we are fighting. That is why we are stopping here to remember our love for each other, and God's love for each of us.

Gift

Here is your ornament for 2012! Every year we find a special ornament that represents something you love. We will save these ornaments for you until you are grown up, so you will be able to decorate your own Christmas trees. You will be able to cover them with beautiful things that you love, and be reminded of happy times. We love you both, very much.

Prayer

Come Christmas! 
            

Come, Love, 
            

Come, Hope. 
            

Be born in our unready hearts 
            

On this silent and holy night.

We give thanks for Being,


We give thanks for being here


We give thanks for being here together.

Happy Advent!

Our "advent wreath".  Yes, it is a pie pan with a (fake) sprig of evergreen in it.
The fancy one I ordered from Etsy didn't arrive in time.
Come Christmas! Come!

Happy First Sunday of Advent!

Our very first family Advent celebration was a huge success! Two things made it work: the promise of cookies right afterwards, and it being very, very short.  Lily enthusiastically blew out the candle mid-way through, and we had to re-light it. She thinks any and all candles mean Happy Birthday! (This morning in church it was our turn to light the candles and she tried to blow those out too. ) Since Christmas is a giant birthday party for Jesus (with presents for us?), it all works. (Even though he was probably born in July, but anyway...)

Hopefully with a bit of reinforcement during the week the idea of being a light in the world, and of not striving for perfection, but rather, connection, will start to sink in around here. We could certainly use those lessons. It had been a pretty rough day, right up until the promise of cookies.  Daniel was pushing ALL my buttons (and Lily's too), and I was letting them get sore. There was a lot of eye rolling (always a bad sign).  A bit of grace was needed, so as nervous as I was to procede with a brand new, not-involving-toys-or-TV ritual after dinner, I'm glad we did.

Connection.

Lights.

 Happy Birthday!


*    *     *     *      *      *      *

Come Christmas!

 by M. Maureen Killoran

No one is ever really ready for Christmas.

If we were really all prepared:

      If every gift we had contemplated had been obtained;

      If every present was beautifully beribboned;

      If all the goodies our friends deserve were baked and cooled, and stored just so;

      If each and every person we love was gathered for our celebration;

      If we never snapped at someone we care about, nor stopped short of being all that we could be;

      If our minds were 100 per cent loving and our hearts were 100 per cent generous;

They truly would be ready and truly we would not need Christmas quite so much.

So come, Christmas, most needed of seasons. 
Come with the reminder that love does not depend on Perfection but on willingness to risk connection. 
Come into the unready manger of our hearts

That we may feel the warmth of new life 
     

 And give flesh to the promise of hope 
     

 That cries to bring healing into our world.

 Come Christmas! 
            

Come, Love, 
            

Come, Hope. 
            

Be born in our unready hearts 
            

On this silent and holy night.