Monday, June 13, 2016

Gun Control, Nerf, and my son

first let me just blow some of the dust off this thing... 

okay, here we go. Obviously there are lots of cobwebs I need to clear out on this page, and I plan to (what HAVE we been doing for the last 3 months?!)... but not today.

Today I'm going to have a conversation with my son about guns. Our son is 10, a tall strapping African-American about to-be-teen-man. And he's been asking for a set of Nerf toy guns since his birthday. And we keep saying no, and not explaining why.

Because I didn't think I could have the conversation without crying.

Because I was scared of admitting to him how scared I am.

Because I don't want him to be scared to be who his is.

But this is America. And apparently, there are very few people who can feel safe here just being who they are. Trump does, and people who look and sound like him, but that's about it.

So tonight I'm going to put a little rainbow candle on our table, and light it, and tell them about what happened in Orlando, and how we feel about it, and how we feel about guns. Which is, we hate them. We hate them and we will not have them, even ones that shoot soft plastic pellets, in our house. I will show my son a photo of Tamir. And I will say this my child, this is why I get so upset. This is why you cannot play with those things, not here, not in the park, not at your friend's house.

I'm planning on laying it all out for him, as calmly and as not-crying-embarrassingly as I can.  I will tell them:

This family believes everyone is worthy of love and respect. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

This family believes guns should only be in the hands of the military and the police and maybe a hunter, far, far, far out in the woods. That it is never, ever okay to touch or play with a gun.

This family knows that there is much, much more work to be done to ensure the safety and respect of all people, and we are committed to being a part of that work.

Our family's faith is Unitarian-Universalist, and our faith calls for us to love and respect each other- no matter our race, our religion, our gender, or our abilities. Not everyone shares that idea. Some people hate others because of who they are. This is not okay. But in the face of hatred, we will express only love. (Yes, even to Trump, although that's hard, because I really, really would like to punch that guy.)

This is pretty heavy stuff for a 6 year old and a 10 year old to hear, I know. But we live in a heavy world. We live surrounded by screens that are constantly shouting bad news at us. And my faith calls for me to hold onto hope- even if it is just the thin scrap I am grasping at today. That thin hope is this- that my children, and their friends and their co-workers, will live in a safer world, and be kinder to each other, and generously give each other the space to be who they are. Every single one.

Because  love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Fashionista

Lily and I went shopping today. She's been asking for two years to go to this dress shop we pass by every day. 


Today we finally went in! It did not disappoint. Fabulous poofy sparkly dresses everywhere!

Lily had a lot of fun loving all the dresses, and finally picked out two "birthday" dresses, plus... Her flower girl dress!


Her aunt is getting married this summer, and Lily has the great honor of Flower Girl. She is SO EXCITED! 

 (I may be a teeny-tiny bit excited too!)

Before I took her picture she said, "Wait! I have to put on lipstick!" 


I may have a little fashionista on my hands....

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I gave up Facebook for Lent and this is what happened...

Absolutely Nothing!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... no seriously. I probably did miss an engagement announcement or some really cute baby photos, but mostly, I didn't miss Facebook at all. In fact, I would give it up altogether, except for a few connection on there that are precious and important to me - like other adoptive moms, and some far away friends whom I don't get to see in real life.

I don't know about yours, but for the last 6 months my Facebook "newsfeed" has looked something like this:

Trump
Hillary
Trump
Bernie
baby photo
Bernie
Bernie
Trump

No matter what new sophisticated emoticons FB puts next to the "life" button, a newsfeed full of negativity and politics was really stressing me out. I found I was dreading opening it up, but that I also was addicted to looking at it every day. Facebook was sucking up a lot of my precious time, and making me stressed out and disconnected.

So when the Lenten season came along, even though I'm not Catholic, I decided to give up this stressful habit for a while and see what happened.

I was surprised by how easy it was. I'm not the best at will power (ask my too tight pants), but I was never really tempted to cheat. I made it easy for myself: I deleted the app from my phone and i-pad, and I erased my browser history so Facebook wouldn't pop up. Still, I could have easily peeked, and I wasn't tempted.

So Lent is almost over... now what? I've been thinking about that quite a bit. Do I quit altogether? Limit my "friends" list? Try to monitor how much time I'm on it? I decided to copy my screen limits for my kids and make Facebook a weekend-only thing. Last Sunday I tiptoed back online and peeked- first at the Ethiopian adoption pages I'd actually missed, and then at my friends list and privacy settings. Finally I started scrolling through my newsfeed again... sure enough, all the passionate posts about Bernie had not changed the election, and all the passionate diatribes against Trump had not stopped him. Sigh.
you know, just checking my likes...

How do you manage Facebook in your life? Or have you left the book?